I’ve caught myself a few times wondering “how come nobody told me about this?” ….. and I often wonder if it’s because birthing humans (typically women) likely have the thought process that they should put a brave face on and pretend that everything is wonderful.
I’m not saying that way of being is “right” or “wrong”…. I do however think that it is inauthentic and lord knows that is not my chosen way of being.

In an effort to maintain transparency, I thought I would share a few of my lessons learned that I wish women more openly discussed so that they don’t feel alone:
+ The fatigue in early (or any stage of) pregnancy can be the worst fatigue you’ve ever experienced in your life, and that is totally okay. This is a perfect time for a lesson on what it means to put yourself first. We cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure your cup is full, whether it be rest, hydration, love from a partner…. Whatever you need.
+ Get comfortable with discharge. More than you may have seen before! Making sure you have an emergency pair of undies in your purse is a really good idea when you’re at work or out for the day. Your body is doing its job to keep baby safe and flush out any potential bacteria.
+ Your nipples will change. Drastically. The size, the shape, the colour, the sensitivity. It can be alarming, it’s also super cool to know that this is the body’s way of preparing for baby so that they intuitively can find your nipples to latch on.
+ The stretching / body soreness that comes as you progress through pregnancy is LEGIT. Try anything and do what feels good for you. Warm bath, hot shower, body oils or lotions, essential oils (if they are safe to be used topically), whatever it takes! Maybe it’s pillows or certain leg positions that make you comfortable; whatever it takes, do it.
+ Sweaty McSweatersons is who you’l become. It’s normal to have a higher resting body temperature. Think about it, you have a personal heater installed in your belly and our bodies are doing double-time to keep them safe, comfy and warm. Be prepared to be extra sweaty, in places you might not be used to sweat. Between the discharge and my sweating, some days I was changing my underwear 3-5 times a day to keep dry and not feeling totally yucky. Again, do whatever you need to in order to get through it.
+ Time to get REALLY comfortable with you partner (if you have one). Reality is: you will be gassy, you will smell not wonderful, you will be uncomfortable, hungry, thirsty, lonely, exhausted and a few other things in between. There’s no place for politeness or hiding reality about who you are and what you are going through. And let’s be realistic, if you aren’t comfortable with your partner now, how do you plan on getting through the birth portion together? This learning is probably the most vital and I’m going to expand a bit on it below….

Relationships:

If you are in a relationship with a partner, and your communication needs some work, THIS is the time to do it. Focus on it, nourish it, build intimacy in your relationship that allows you the freedom to share openly and honestly with each other. Why is this so important? Trust me, it is. Ask any successful-in-a-relationship couple that you know. When you are experiencing things that are new and uncomfortable, you will benefit from having a safe space to share what you are dealing with AND it opens the door for your partner to participate in the pregnancy and support you so that they are included.

Beyond that… Consider that these final months before you have another human to be responsible for, this is the time to make sure you have a solid foundation to support each other for the next phase of the journey.

I’ve noticed this massive shift in my marriage since we found out we were pregnant, and it has created the most magical time for us to connect with more intimacy than either of us thought was possible. It’s not this way for any particular reason other than we choose to be committed to being our best selves for each other and want to be solid and healthy in our relationship before this child arrives earth side.

A few things we’ve discussed in depth that got us into a beautiful place of alignment throughout this pregnancy and regarding our child:
+ What do I (as the pregnant human) need from my partner to feel supported and never alone in this process?
+ What does my partner need to feel included in this process? Does he want to be in my Midwife appointments or on speaker phone with me while I’m there? If you’re allowed / able to get pictures / videos / sound bites of hearing baby’s heartbeat at these appointments or ultrasounds (I have been denied during my ultrasounds to be able to do this but maybe you’ll get lucky!)
+ Do we want to know the gender of the baby before they are born or nah? (We opted for a surprise)
+ Where is the safest / healthiest place for us to be during the birth process?
+ Will we put a son through circumcision or nah? If you’ve never seen a video on circumcision I highly recommend that you do so that you are informed in your decision process. A great resource for this website: https://www.yourwholebaby.org/basic-intact-care
+ Do we want a Doula? What purpose will they serve and how will they support us in a way that will make a difference for us both (and baby)?
+ Are we taking prenatal or parenting classes together?
+ What do I think I’ll need from my partner while I’m in the active birth process?
+ Who do I / we want in our space during the birth process?
+ If I say something rude / mean / aggressive while in the birth process how will my partner feel or react to that?

There are so many other things to discuss but these were vital for us to begin grasping what was going to ensure we both felt heard and seen throughout our journey together. And let me tell you…. It’s a journey.

Real Life: I was sitting in an online class and I had a major release of discharge that soaked through my leggings and was extremely uncomfortable (and I still had 2 hours left of the class to sit through). I texted my Husband, he came in the room with haste (and without hesitation) and mouthed the words “What do you need? A napkin? A towel?” …. THAT is a great partner. He could’ve cared less about how gross the word discharge might have sounded, he didn’t care that I may have made a mess of the couch, all he cared about was my comfort and how he could support me.
******* Rockstar Husband right there.