If you haven’t heard of the Fourth Trimester, go grab yourself the book of this title by Kimberly Ann Johnson. Indigo has it here. Amazon has it here.

For most new parents, this is the hardest part of the journey. It’s obvious why that is…. You’re in this whole other dimension of doing your best to keep a brand new human alive, you’re discovering yourself newly as a parent and that little human is figuring out how they function and who you are as well. We don’t give the child enough credit that they too are experiencing the world newly, not just ourselves as new parents.

With all this newness, there is bound to be lessons, breakdowns, excitement and exploration. The key through all of it is giving yourself, your partner and your baby as much grace as you possibly can.

Remember that you are learning how to care for THIS baby (because every baby is different).
Remember that this baby is learning who you are and how you care for them.
Remember that your body is healing and adjusting and will change so many times over within that first year of postpartum.
Remember that the postpartum period is not a set time period, it’s however long feels authentic for you to identify it as your postpartum stage.
Remember that your partner is your partner and that they are your support network and your romantic partner. Intimacy does not equal sex, and creating space for intimacy is so incredibly vital to the sustainability of your relationship.

My greatest lessons from the Fourth Trimester include but are not limited to:

• Ask for help. Ask for more help. Keep asking for help and accept it EVERY time it is offered.
• More rest. Seriously. Live in your bed for the first couple weeks if you can and stay at home for as long as humanly possible because that cocoon of love and cuddles is so incredibly good for your mental health.
• Further to that… If your mental health wants you to go get chicken wings at Earls, then by all means get dressed up and go get those chicken wings. And, it’s okay if you change your mind part way through.
• Say no to visitors. Ask your partner to advocate for you on this front because it can be hard to say no to some people. Protect your space and the calm you are enjoying with your baby and don’t feel like you HAVE to do anything. And if someone comes over, do not make yourself pretty and do not tidy up. In fact, ask them to tidy up or do dishes or make you food if they do come because that’s important!
• Nothing you do is going to be perfect. It’s ALL trial and error and that’s the beauty of those first few months. You try whatever feels good / aligned with you and just keep trying things until you determine what works for you and your baby.
• Do not compare yourself to anyone else. End of discussion.
• Remember that every single human on the planet is different, so when it comes to the development of your child and whether or not they meet / surpass “milestones” does not make a difference. They are exactly the way they are supposed to be and you roll with it however it goes. If you have concerns, talk to your doctor, they will be a voice of reason here when your great aunt might be full of anxiety-inducing comments for you.
• Never ever justify why you choose your parenting style. It’s yours. Own it. If people don’t agree with it, who cares? It’s yours.

No matter what, focus on you, your baby, your partnership / marriage and lean into that family unit you have created because everything outside of that can be put on hold for the time being. Embrace this stage and the time that follows it.