I want to scream this from every street corner and simultaneously in the face of every friend and family member who thinks this is an appropriate statement to make after an emergency cesarean.

For the Mama’s reading this…. Your humans don’t mean to come across as dismissive and inconsiderate, they simply are not aware that there is another way to be with people.

……….

Now that I have made that statement clear, I’d like to express an opinion about this that I know is shared with many new Mama’s who are told these words.

First of all, the statement in itself is extremely dismissive. There is zero validation to the Mother, what her body has been through, the trauma she may have experienced or simply the disappointment of a derailment from their birth plan / desired outcome.

Every birth is unique in it’s own way because every baby is unique just as every Mother is unique and that means that every birth story is unique. So for every unique experience, let’s choose to validate, lift the Mama up about how brave she was and how difficult that must have been so that she has the experience of being seen. Brushing off someone with such a yucky statement is incredibly demeaning; though I don’t know if people see that before they open their mouths…

New Mama’s are in a delicate state, and when they choose to share their birth story, they do so from a vulnerable place and to be cut down, their feelings ignored and for them to essentially be diminished while the focus goes to the baby is a tough pill to swallow.

Just because a baby comes out via caesarean, it does not mean they haven’t been through the ringer! There could have been trauma within the womb, issues with heart rate or blood flow. Being pulled away from comfort into a bright and sterile room can’t be an easy experience for a baby either. Babies born by caesarean are more susceptible to respiratory issues (babies get squeezed when born vaginally which pushes fluid out of the lungs), they also miss out on immune boosting bacteria they would have picked up in the vaginal canal.

And what about Mama? She faces a much longer recovery from birth if baby comes by caesarean. So when people downplay the impact, they again ignore that perhaps Mama needs more help of an acknowledgement that they would have needed additional support while she healed.

I am not anti-caesarean. My little one came by emergency caesarean after over 60 hours of active / prodromal labour. We chose to meet our baby safely because it felt like the best choice, even though it was far from the birth that I planned.

So what could we say differently to Mama who has gone through a caesarean?

• Thank you for sharing your story with me, that doesn’t sound easy to go through.
• Wow you are SO brave!
• It must have been hard to go through that.
• You got to meet your baby safely! What a blessing that is!
• Do you have all the support you need?
• Is there anything you wish had gone differently? (This is a sensitive question, but depending on your relationship with the Mama, it’s a good opener to allow them space to actively process and not be ignored).

It’s okay if we say something not quite right or miss an opportunity to support someone. Every moment is an opportunity for learning and growth. Remember to give the Mama grace. She needs it.